Marry Me Minimonies: Complete Guide

Okay So Minimonies Are Actually A Thing Now

Look, minimonies aren’t just what happened during 2020 when everyone panicked and scaled down. They’re like… an actual intentional choice people are making now and honestly I’m kinda here for it? You basically plan a super small wedding ceremony—we’re talking under 20 people usually—and you do it on purpose because you WANT it that way, not because some virus made you.

The whole concept is you get legally married in an intimate setting with your absolute closest people, and then maybe you throw a bigger party later. Or maybe you don’t! Some couples are just done after the minimony and they go on with their lives. I had this couple in spring 2023 who did a backyard minimony with literally 8 people and they served fancy takeout from their favorite restaurant and everyone cried during the vows and it was perfect. They never did the big party. Didn’t need it.

Why People Actually Choose This

So the reasons are all over the place. Some couples have family drama—like they love their families but putting everyone in one room sounds like a nightmare. Others just hate being the center of attention for 6 hours straight. I get that. Some are budget-conscious and would rather spend money on a house or travel instead of one day that costs as much as a car.

Then you’ve got couples where one or both have been married before and they don’t want the whole production again. Or they’re older and feel weird about a traditional big wedding. Or—and this one’s becoming super common—they just genuinely prefer intimate gatherings and the idea of 150 people watching them kiss makes them wanna throw up.

What really annoys me though is when vendors act like minimonies aren’t “real” weddings and won’t take them seriously. Like excuse me, these couples are still getting MARRIED, they still want beautiful flowers and good photos, they just don’t need your premium 150-person package, Karen.

The Guest List Thing

This is where it gets tricky and honestly where most of my clients stress out. You gotta decide who makes the cut and who doesn’t, and feelings WILL get hurt probably. I usually tell people to think about it like this: who do you absolutely need to witness this moment? Not who will be mad if they’re not invited. Who do YOU need there?

Most minimonies I plan have like 10-15 people max. That’s usually immediate family—parents, siblings, maybe grandparents if they’re around. Some couples include their absolute best friend or two. The key is being consistent with your criteria so you can explain it if anyone asks.

And yeah, people WILL ask. You need a script ready. Something like “We’re keeping it just immediate family” or “We’re doing a private ceremony with just our parents and siblings.” Don’t apologize, don’t over-explain, just state it and move on. The people who love you will understand, and the people who don’t… well, they’ll get over it or they won’t, but it’s your wedding.

Timing and Logistics

One huge advantage of minimonies is you can plan them way faster than traditional weddings. I’ve helped couples pull together gorgeous minimonies in like 6-8 weeks. You don’t need to book a venue two years in advance when you’re only seating 12 people. You’ve got options.

Popular timing choices I see: weekday afternoons (vendors are cheaper and more available), Sunday mornings, early evening during golden hour for photos. You’re not locked into Saturday from 5-11pm like traditional weddings. You can do a Tuesday at 2pm if you want. Most of your guests can probably take off work for a couple hours for your actual wedding.

The ceremony itself is usually 20-30 minutes. Then you might do a small dinner or lunch, some cake, champagne, photos. The whole event typically runs 3-4 hours max. Some couples do even shorter—ceremony and cake, done in 90 minutes. It really depends on what you want.

Where To Actually Have It

So many options here and this is where minimonies really shine. You don’t need a ballroom or a giant tent. I’ve planned minimonies in:

• Someone’s beautifully landscaped backyard
• A private room at a nice restaurant
• A small inn or bed & breakfast (rent the whole place for a night)
• A botanical garden or arboretum
• The couple’s own living room (seriously, I decorated one couple’s apartment and it was stunning)
• A park pavilion or gazebo
• A family member’s lake house or vacation property
• A winery or brewery’s private tasting room
• A cute Airbnb with great outdoor space
• City hall but make it fancy with a photographer and flowers

The thing is you don’t need much space. Like my cat takes up more room on my couch than you need for a minimony setup. You just need somewhere meaningful or beautiful to you, and room for your small group to gather comfortably.

Permits—check if you need them for public spaces like parks. Some places require permits even for small gatherings. It’s usually cheap and easy to get, just don’t skip this step or you might show up and find out someone else reserved your spot.

The Actual Planning Steps

Okay so here’s roughly what you need to figure out, not necessarily in perfect order because planning is kinda messy:

Get your marriage license first. Seriously, do this early because some states have waiting periods and expiration dates. You don’t wanna plan your whole minimony and then realize you can’t legally get married that day.

Book your officiant. This can be a religious leader, a judge, a professional officiant, or a friend who gets ordained online (totally legal in most states). For minimonies, I love when couples ask a close friend or family member to officiate because it makes it even more personal. Just make sure they’re legally able to perform marriages in your state and that they’ll actually file the paperwork after—some people forget that part.

Pick your date and location. These kinda go together. Check availability for both. For restaurants or venues, you might need to guarantee a minimum spend, so ask about that upfront.

Photographer situation. Don’t skip this unless you genuinely don’t care about photos. Even if you’re doing a super casual minimony, you’ll want some good pictures. Many photographers offer mini packages now—like 2-3 hours of coverage instead of 8-10. Way more affordable. Some will do just an hour for the ceremony. I worked with this couple who hired a photography student for like $400 and got beautiful images… or you can hire a professional and pay more for experience, totally your call.

What About Food

This is so flexible with minimonies. You can do whatever feels right. Some options I’ve seen work really well:

Order from your favorite restaurant and have it delivered or pick it up. Get the nice stuff—the fancy platters, the good wine. It’s still gonna be cheaper than catering for 100 people. One couple did this amazing spread from an Italian place they had their first date at.

Hire a private chef to cook at your home or Airbnb. More expensive but super special and you get a customized menu.

Book a private dining room at a restaurant. They handle everything—food, drinks, service, cleanup. You just show up, get married, eat. This is honestly the easiest option if you don’t wanna deal with logistics.

Do a fancy picnic if you’re outdoors. Charcuterie boards, champagne, beautiful setup. There are companies that do luxury picnic setups now and they’re gorgeous.

Brunch or breakfast wedding! Cheaper than dinner usually, and mimosas are festive. I love a good brunch minimony.

Or like… just do cake and champagne if you’re doing a short ceremony. Not every wedding needs a full meal, especially if it’s at 3pm on a Wednesday.

The Dress Code Situation

You can wear whatever you want, obviously. I’ve seen brides in full ballgowns at minimonies and I’ve seen brides in jumpsuits or even nice sundresses. There’s no rule that says small wedding equals casual attire. If you’ve been dreaming of a fancy dress, wear the fancy dress! You can also go simple and save money—totally valid.

For guests, just tell them what to wear. “Garden party attire” or “cocktail attire” or “smart casual” or whatever. With a small group, you can even text people individually if you want. The formality level is completely up to you and should match your venue and vibe.

Flowers and Decor

You need way less stuff for a small wedding, which is great for your budget but also you can splurge on quality over quantity. Instead of 20 centerpieces, you get one really stunning arrangement. Instead of decorating a huge space, you create one gorgeous focal point for the ceremony.

I usually suggest: one bridal bouquet, maybe boutonnieres for important people, and a ceremony arrangement or two. If you’re doing a dinner, one centerpiece for the table. That’s it. You’re done. You just saved like $3000 compared to full wedding florals.

For decor, think about what makes sense for your space. Backyard wedding might need some string lights and nice table linens. Restaurant private room probably doesn’t need any decor—it’s already designed. Park ceremony might want an arch or fabric backdrop. Keep it simple or go elaborate, but remember you don’t need to fill a big space so… less is fine actually.

The Invitation Problem

So here’s something that trips people up. Do you send formal invitations to 12 people? You can! Some couples love having that keepsake. You can order small quantities from most online printers, or work with a stationer (hi, that’s part of what I do) to create something custom and small-batch.

But honestly? A lot of minimony couples just do nice digital invitations or even phone calls. When it’s your parents and siblings, sometimes a beautiful phone conversation where you invite them personally feels more special than a mailed card anyway. There’s no wrong answer here.

If you’re planning a bigger party later, you might send “save the dates” for that but keep the minimony invites separate and personal. Or some people do a combined announcement—”We’re getting married in an intimate ceremony in June, and we’d love to celebrate with everyone at a party in September” type thing.

What About Vendors You Might Not Think About

Depending on what kind of minimony you want, you might need some of these:

Hair and makeup: You can still get professionally done up, or do it yourself, or have a talented friend help. For a small wedding you might go to a salon instead of having someone come to you—cheaper that way.

Music: Maybe you want a guitarist for the ceremony, or maybe you just use a bluetooth speaker and a Spotify playlist. I’ve seen both work great. Live music is lovely for a minimony though because the musician can interact with your small group more personally.

Videographer: This one people skip a lot but then regret later. Even just having someone capture your ceremony on their phone in good quality… you’ll want to hear those vows again someday. Some videographers do short packages just for ceremonies.

Cake or dessert: You don’t need a 5-tier cake for 12 people. Get a small beautiful cake from a local bakery, or do cupcakes, or that trendy individual dessert thing. Or forget cake entirely and do your favorite dessert. Ice cream sundae bar? Sure, why not.

The Money Talk

Okay so minimonies are definitely cheaper than big weddings BUT they’re not automatically cheap if you don’t want them to be. I’ve planned $2000 minimonies and $15000 minimonies. It depends on your choices.

Budget minimony (under $3000): backyard or park location, friend officiates, simple flowers from a grocery store or Costco, nice takeout food, photographer for 2 hours, your own music, minimal decor, outfit from a regular store. Totally doable and can still be beautiful.

Mid-range minimony ($5000-8000): small venue rental or restaurant private room, professional officiant, nice florals from a real florist, catered meal or private chef, photographer for 3-4 hours, maybe live music, hair and makeup, purchased wedding outfit. This is where most of my clients land.

Fancy minimony ($10000+): gorgeous venue, luxury catering or high-end restaurant, designer outfit, full floral design, top photographer and videographer, live band or string quartet, planner (me!), the works but scaled down. You’re getting premium everything, just for fewer people.

The savings compared to traditional weddings comes from the guest count mostly. You’re not paying per-head for 150 dinners. You’re not renting giant venues. You don’t need as much of anything. But you can still choose to spend on what matters to you.

Handling The Feelings Part

This is gonna be harder than the logistics honestly. People have FEELINGS about weddings and who gets invited and what’s traditional. Your mom might be upset you’re not having a big wedding. His aunt might feel slighted. Your best friend from college might not understand why they didn’t make the cut.

You just gotta be clear and kind and firm. Explain your decision once, don’t keep justifying it. “We’ve decided to have a private ceremony with just immediate family. We hope you understand and we’d love to celebrate with you another time.” Then stop talking. Don’t apologize for choosing what’s right for you.

Some couples do a post-wedding celebration or reception later—could be a month after, could be a year after. This gives other people a chance to celebrate with you without compromising your intimate wedding day. The party can be casual, like a backyard BBQ or restaurant gathering. No receiving line, no bouquet toss, just “hey we got married, let’s party about it.”

Or you skip that entirely and just… live your married life. Send nice announcements with a photo from your minimony. People will adjust.

Day-Of Timeline Example

Here’s what a typical minimony day might look like, just so you can visualize it:

2:00pm – Hair and makeup (if you’re doing that)
4:00pm – Get dressed, first look photos with partner if you want
4:30pm – Guests arrive, casual mingling
5:00pm – Ceremony starts (20-30 minutes)
5:30pm – Champagne toast, family photos
6:00pm – Dinner is served
7:30pm – Cake cutting, more photos
8:00pm – Wrap up, say goodbye to guests

That’s like a 6-hour window from start to finish, and you’re only “on” for about 4 hours. Way less exhausting than a traditional wedding that goes from noon prep until midnight reception.

You could also do a morning ceremony with brunch after, or a sunset ceremony with just cocktails and appetizers. The flexibility is honestly one of the best parts—you design the day around what you actually want to do, not what wedding tradition says you should do.

Things People Forget

Marriage license—I mentioned this already but people still forget. Get it done early, know your state’s rules.

Rings! You still need to exchange rings probably, unless you’re skipping that tradition. Don’t forget to actually have them on the day of.

Someone to hold your bouquet during the ceremony or like… where does it go when you’re exchanging rings? Think through these tiny logistics.

Backup plan if you’re outdoors. Even for 10 people, you need somewhere to go if it rains. A tent, a garage, a living room, something.

Who’s taking phone photos? Everyone will want pics, so maybe designate one person to grab some candids on their phone for immediate sharing, while your photographer does the professional stuff.

Transportation—do you need it? Are elderly relatives able to get to your location okay? Is parking available?

What happens after? Like you finish your minimony at 8pm, then what? Are you staying over somewhere special? Going straight on a honeymoon? Going home to your apartment and ordering pizza? All valid, just think about it.

I had this moment during a minimony last fall where we were at this gorgeous inn and the ceremony ended and everyone was just kinda standing around because the couple hadn’t planned anything after cutting the cake, and it got awkward for a minute until someone suggested a walk around the property. So yeah, think through the whole day including the ending.

Random Practical Stuff

If you’re having any kind of reception or dinner, do assigned seating even for 10 people. It eliminates that weird moment of everyone figuring out where to sit.

Create a simple timeline and share it with your vendors and VIP guests (parents, wedding party if you have one). Everyone knowing what’s happening when makes the day smoother.

Consider hiring a planner even just for day-of coordination. We’re not as expensive for minimonies since there’s less to coordinate, and we handle all the tiny details so you can just be present. I charge like a third of my normal rate for minimony coordination because it’s genuinely less work.

If you’re DIYing anything—decor, flowers, whatever—do a full test run beforehand. Make sure you know how long it takes and that you actually like the result. Don’t experiment on your wedding day.

Think about whether you want a receiving line or formal photos with every guest. With 12 people, you can probably just naturally say hi to everyone