Honor Of Your Presence: Complete Guide

The “Honor of Your Presence” Thing That Everyone Gets Wrong

So you’re probably looking at invitation wording and wondering why some say “honor of your presence” and others say “pleasure of your company” and honestly, this is one of those things that drives me nuts because people either overthink it or don’t think about it at all. There’s actually a pretty clear rule here but let me back up.

“Honor of your presence” is specifically for religious ceremonies. That’s it. That’s the rule. If you’re getting married in a church, synagogue, mosque, temple, whatever – you use “honor of your presence.” If you’re getting married literally anywhere else, even if there’s religious elements but it’s not in an actual house of worship, you use “pleasure of your company.”

I had this bride in spring 2023 who was getting married at this gorgeous vineyard and she insisted on using “honor of your presence” because it sounded more formal and elegant to her. And I get it, it does sound fancier. But I had to explain like three times that it’s not about formality, it’s about location and the nature of the ceremony. She finally got it when I explained that “honor of your presence” is essentially saying “we’re requesting you witness this sacred religious ceremony” and if you’re not having one of those, it’s kinda… misleading? She switched to “pleasure of your company” and the invitations looked just as elegant.

Breaking Down The Actual Wording

The traditional format goes like this for a religious ceremony:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Katherine Anne
to
Mr. James Michael Roberts

And for non-religious or anywhere-else ceremonies:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Katherine Anne
to
Mr. James Michael Roberts

Notice it’s “honor” not “honour” in American English, though if you’re doing a UK wedding obviously spell it with the u. Also some people write “honour” in the US because they think it looks fancier but… nah, just stick with your country’s spelling.

When Parents Are Hosting vs Couple Hosting

The wording above assumes parents are hosting, which used to be standard because traditionally the bride’s parents paid for everything. Now? Most couples pay for at least part of their wedding or the whole thing, so the wording changes.

If the couple is hosting their own wedding:

Katherine Anne Smith
and
James Michael Roberts
request the honor of your presence

Or you can go with:

The honor of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
Katherine Anne Smith
and
James Michael Roberts

That second option is good if you want to keep it super formal but also acknowledge that you’re adults paying your own way. I personally like it because it’s elegant without being presumptuous.

What About Both Sets of Parents Hosting

This is where it gets messy and honestly where I spend way too much time with couples trying to figure out wording. If both families are contributing, you’ve got options:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
and
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Roberts
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children

Or you can do “together with their families” which is what I usually recommend because it’s inclusive and doesn’t require listing everyone:

Katherine Anne Smith
and
James Michael Roberts
together with their families
request the honor of your presence

Divorced Parents Situation

Okay this is where I need coffee because it gets complicated. If the bride’s parents are divorced and both remarried and everyone’s getting along and contributing… you list them separately:

Mrs. Sarah Thompson and Mr. David Thompson
Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Lisa Smith
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter

The mom gets listed first traditionally, but honestly if your dad is the one primarily hosting, you can flip it. The whole point is to acknowledge who’s actually involved in hosting and paying.

What really annoys me is when families make this into a huge political thing. I had a client whose parents were divorced and her mom wanted top billing and her dad wanted equal billing but then his new wife wanted to be included but the bride’s mom didn’t want the stepmom’s name anywhere near hers and I’m sitting there like… this is supposed to be about the marriage, not a family hierarchy contest. We ended up going with “together with their families” because it solved everything without anyone being able to complain about placement.

The Reception-Only Invitation Thing

If you’re doing a private ceremony but a big reception, you never use “honor of your presence” for the reception invitation. Never. It’s always “pleasure of your company” because a reception is a party, not a ceremony.

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at a reception in celebration of
the marriage of their daughter
Katherine Anne Smith
and
James Michael Roberts

Sometimes people do a small ceremony and then a bigger reception later – like destination wedding followed by hometown party. Same rule applies. Reception = pleasure of your company.

The Capitalization Question Nobody Asks But Should

Okay so traditionally, you don’t capitalize “honor” or “pleasure” in these phrases. It’s lowercase. But I see people capitalize them all the time and honestly… most guests won’t notice or care? The important thing is consistency. If you’re gonna capitalize Honor, then capitalize Presence too. Don’t do it halfway.

Also “honor of your presence” doesn’t need to be in italics or quotes or anything fancy. Just regular text in whatever font you’re using for the invitation.

Modern Variations That Actually Work

Not everyone wants traditional wording and that’s totally fine. You can say:

• “invite you to celebrate their marriage”
• “would love for you to join them”
• “request your presence” (dropping the “honor” entirely)
• “joyfully invite you”

These work for any venue, any style. The traditional “honor/pleasure” distinction only matters if you’re going traditional. Once you decide to use casual or modern wording, all bets are off.

I did my own invitations back in the day – I got married in 2008 which feels like forever ago – and we used “invite you to join us” because we were paying for everything ourselves and it felt weird to “request” people come to something we were hosting. Like, we were inviting friends to a party that happened to be our wedding, you know?

Religious But Not In A Building

This is where people get confused. Let’s say you’re having a Catholic ceremony but it’s outdoors at a garden venue, not at a church. Technically, for a Catholic ceremony to be valid it needs to happen in a church unless you get special dispensation. But let’s say you got that permission or you’re having a religious-style ceremony that’s not officially recognized by a church.

My take: if it’s not physically in a house of worship, use “pleasure of your company.” Some etiquette experts might disagree but I think the location rule trumps everything else. The phrase “honor of your presence” historically referred to witnessing a ceremony in a sacred space. If you’re in a barn, even with a priest officiating, it’s not technically a sacred space in the traditional sense.

But also if you really want to use “honor” because your ceremony is deeply religious even though it’s at a venue, I’m not gonna be the etiquette police. Just be prepared for some traditional guests to notice and maybe side-eye it a little.

The British vs American Spelling Thing

Already mentioned this but it’s worth repeating because I see people mix it up constantly. In the US, it’s “honor” and “favor” (as in “the favor of a reply”). In the UK and Commonwealth countries, it’s “honour” and “favour.” Don’t mix American and British spellings on the same invitation. Pick one system and stick with it.

My cat just knocked over my water bottle while I’m writing this, which is pretty much par for the course when I’m trying to work from home.

What About Same-Sex Couples

All the same rules apply. If you’re getting married in a religious building, use “honor of your presence.” If not, use “pleasure of your company.” The wording for who’s hosting works exactly the same:

Mr. and Mrs. David Chen
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their son
David Chen Jr.
to
Michael Patrick Sullivan

Or if both families are hosting:

The families of
David Chen Jr.
and
Michael Patrick Sullivan
request the honor of your presence

The only thing that changes is pronouns and names, not the actual structure or rules about honor vs pleasure.

Common Mistakes I See All The Time

People write “honor of you’re presence” which… please don’t. It’s “your” not “you’re.” This seems obvious but I’ve caught this typo more times than I can count before invitations went to print.

People use “honor of your attendance” which isn’t technically wrong but sounds really stiff and weird. It’s always “presence” not “attendance.” Attendance sounds like you’re taking roll call.

People write “honor of your presence is requested” for the ceremony and then “pleasure of your presence” for the reception on the same invitation. Pick one or the other for consistency. Usually it’s honor for ceremony line and pleasure for reception line if you’re listing both.

People forget that “request the honor” means the parents or hosts are doing the requesting. If you write “Katherine and James request the honor of your presence at their marriage” it technically means they’re requesting you watch them marry themselves, which is… grammatically weird. Better to say “at their wedding” or “as they exchange vows.”

The Reply Card Wording

This is sort of related but people ask about it constantly so – your reply card should say “the favor of a reply is requested by [date]” or more casually “kindly reply by [date]” or just “RSVP by [date].” You don’t use “honor” or “pleasure” on reply cards. Those phrases are specifically for the invitation itself.

And honestly the whole “RSVP” thing is kinda redundant because it means “répondez s’il vous plaît” which is “please respond” so when people write “please RSVP” they’re saying “please please respond” but whatever, everyone does it and everyone understands it.

Digital Invitations And This Wording

So more people are doing digital invitations now, especially for casual weddings or destination weddings or Covid changed everything and people got used to… wait, I’m getting off track. Point is, you can absolutely use “honor of your presence” or “pleasure of your company” in a digital invitation. The formality of the wording doesn’t have to match the format of the invitation.

I’ve designed formal digital invitations with traditional wording that looked just as elegant as printed ones. The medium doesn’t dictate the message. If you’re having a religious ceremony and sending digital invites, use “honor of your presence.” If you’re having a backyard barbecue wedding and sending printed invitations, use “pleasure of your company” or something even more casual.

When You’re Having Multiple Events

If you’re doing a whole weekend – welcome party Friday, ceremony Saturday, brunch Sunday – you can use different wording for each event. The ceremony invitation uses “honor” or “pleasure” depending on location. The welcome party invitation might say “join us for” or “invite you to.” The brunch might say “please join us for” or “you’re invited to.”

Don’t overthink it. The formal wording is really just for the main ceremony invitation. Everything else can be more relaxed.

My Actual Practical Advice

Here’s what I tell every client: decide if you’re going traditional or modern first. If traditional, follow the honor/pleasure rule based on venue. If modern, ignore all of this and write whatever feels authentic to you.

Read your invitation out loud before you print it. Does it sound like something you’d actually say? Does it match the vibe of your wedding? If you’re having a casual beach wedding, “honor of your presence” might feel stuffy even though technically you could use “pleasure of your company.” Maybe just go with “join us” instead.

Remember that 90% of your guests won’t notice whether you used “honor” or “pleasure” or neither. They’re looking at the date, time, location, and dress code. The specific wording is more about you doing it correctly if you care about tradition, not about impressing guests.

And please, please proofread. Have multiple people proofread. I’ve seen invitations go out with typos in the couple’s names, wrong dates, wrong venues… the honor/pleasure distinction is minor compared to getting the basic facts right.

Also if you’re working with a stationer or designer, they should know all this stuff already. If they don’t, that’s a red flag. This is like basic wedding invitation knowledge. Anyone who designs invitations professionally should be able to explain the honor vs pleasure rule without hesitating.