Bridal Party Invites: Bridesmaid & Groomsmen Proposal Cards

So you’re thinking about proposal cards for your bridal party and honestly this is one of those things that’s blown up in the past few years and I have SO many thoughts about it because I’ve seen everything from super simple to like… wait are we proposing marriage or asking someone to hold flowers kind of elaborate.

First thing – you don’t actually NEED these cards. Like that’s the truth nobody wants to say but I’m gonna say it because back in spring 2023 I had this bride who spent literally $400 on custom foil-stamped proposal boxes with cards and champagne splits and monogrammed hair ties and the whole nine yards, and one of her bridesmaids told me later she would’ve been just as happy with a phone call. But also that same bridesmaid posted the box all over Instagram so like, people are weird about this stuff.

The basic concept is pretty straightforward though – instead of just texting “hey wanna be my bridesmaid” you give them some kind of card or note that asks the question in a more formal way. It’s kinda become this whole thing where you’re making a little moment out of it.

When You Should Actually Give These Out

Timing matters more than people think. You wanna ask your bridal party like 8-12 months before the wedding ideally. Earlier if you’re having a destination wedding because people need to budget and plan. I’ve seen brides ask people literally 2 years out and that’s… look, a lot can happen in 2 years, friendships change, people move across the country, someone might get pregnant or switch jobs or whatever.

Don’t ask too early just because you’re excited. I learned this the hard way when a college roommate asked me to be her bridesmaid 18 months before her wedding and by the time the wedding rolled around we’d had this whole falling out over something stupid and it was awkward for everyone involved.

Also don’t do the proposal cards before you’ve actually confirmed your wedding date and venue because nothing’s more annoying than asking someone to be in your wedding and then being like “oh btw we moved it 6 months and to a different state” – yes this happened with one of my clients in summer 2021 and two bridesmaids had to drop out.

What Actually Goes On The Card

The wording doesn’t have to be fancy or poetic or whatever. You can literally write “Will you be my bridesmaid?” and that’s totally fine. Some people do like:

• “I can’t say I do without you”
• “I found my main squeeze, now I need my best girls”
• “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue… and you!”
• “I’ve got my something blue, but I still need you”

Honestly some of these make me cringe a little but if that’s your vibe go for it. The rhyming ones are super popular on Etsy but they’re not for everyone.

For groomsmen cards it’s usually more straightforward because guys typically aren’t into the whole cutesy phrase thing (generalizing here but it’s what I’ve seen). Most groom cards just say “Will you be my groomsman?” or “Be my best man?” with maybe some design elements like whiskey glasses or cigars or whatever stereotypically masculine imagery.

What you SHOULD include on the card or in the package:

• Your wedding date
• The location (at least the city)
• What role you’re asking them to fill specifically – bridesmaid, maid of honor, groomsman, best man
• A personal note if you’re handwriting anything

That last one is actually important because I’ve seen brides send identical printed cards to all their bridesmaids and it feels kinda impersonal? Like if you’re going through the effort of a card maybe add a sentence or two about why you want THEM specifically.

DIY vs Store-Bought vs Custom

This is where budget comes in big time. You can spend anywhere from like $2 per card to $50+ if you’re doing custom letterpress or something fancy.

DIY route: Canva has templates, you can design something yourself and print at home or at a print shop. Cardstock from any craft store works fine. Add a nice envelope and you’re done. Cost per card is maybe $3-5 if you’re doing it yourself. I actually made my own when I got married and it was fine, nobody complained, though I did mess up the printer settings on the first batch and had to redo them which was annoying.

Etsy is probably the most popular option right now. You can get digital downloads for like $5-10 and print them yourself, or order printed cards for $15-30 depending on the seller. The quality varies A LOT though so read reviews. I had a bride order from this one shop that had great reviews but when the cards arrived the colors were completely different from the listing photos and she was so upset.

Custom from a stationery designer (hi that’s partially what I do) costs more but you get exactly what you want. Usually starting around $100-150 for a set of 6-8 cards with envelopes. Worth it if your wedding stationery is really important to you and you want everything to match perfectly.

Chain stores like Minted, Shutterfly, Paper Source – they’re the middle ground. Pretty good quality, lots of options, prices are reasonable. Usually $20-40 for a set.

The Whole “Proposal Box” Situation

Okay so this is where things have gotten kinda out of hand in my opinion. The proposal box trend started small and now I’ve seen brides spend more on asking their bridesmaids than some people spend on their actual wedding invitations.

A typical proposal box might include the card plus things like: a small bottle of champagne, a candle, a tumbler or wine glass, a scrunchie or hair tie, a temporary tattoo that says “bridesmaid” or whatever, some candy, a mini succulent plant, bath bombs… the list goes on.

Here’s what annoys me about this – and I know I’m gonna sound like a grump but whatever – half this stuff ends up in the trash or the back of someone’s closet. Do your bridesmaids really need another candle that smells like “eucalyptus mint” or whatever? Probably not. My cat actually knocked over one of these proposal box candles at my apartment once when I brought samples home and it shattered everywhere and I was finding wax chunks for weeks.

If you DO want to do a box thing, make it personal to each person. Your best friend who loves coffee? Put in a bag of nice coffee beans. Your sister who’s into skincare? A face mask. Don’t just buy the same generic stuff for everyone because you saw it on Pinterest.

Also boxes add up fast cost-wise. You’re looking at $30-75 per person easily if you’re filling them with actual nice stuff. For a bridal party of 6 that’s $180-450 just to ask people to be in your wedding. That money could go toward… I dunno, literally anything else wedding-related.

Groomsmen Proposals Are Different Usually

Grooms typically keep it simpler and honestly I think that’s smart. A lot of groomsmen proposals are just the card maybe with a beer or a cigar or like a personalized flask. Sometimes they do the box thing with stuff like beef jerky, hot sauce, a pocket knife, mini whiskey bottles.

I’ve noticed grooms are way more likely to just ask in person with the card as a formality afterward, whereas brides often make the card/box the whole thing. Not always obviously but that’s the pattern I’ve seen planning like 50+ weddings at this point.

Design Elements That Actually Matter

If you’re designing or choosing cards here’s what to think about:

Colors: Do you want them to match your wedding colors? A lot of people do this so everything feels cohesive. Or you can go with neutrals – blush pink, navy, gold, white, kraft paper – these work for basically any wedding style.

Font choices: Script fonts are pretty but make sure they’re actually readable. I’ve seen cards where the font was so swirly and decorative that you couldn’t tell what it said without really studying it. Not great.

Size: Standard card sizes are easier and cheaper to print. A5 (5.8 x 8.3 inches) or A6 (4.1 x 5.8 inches) are common. Weird custom sizes cost more to print and you might have trouble finding envelopes that fit.

Paper quality: If you’re printing at home regular cardstock is fine. If you’re ordering, ask about paper weight – 110lb or higher feels substantial. Nobody wants a flimsy card that feels like it came from a home printer even if it did.

Maid of Honor and Best Man Cards

These should probably be different from the regular bridesmaid/groomsman cards since it’s a bigger role. You can make them fancier or just change the wording to acknowledge that you’re asking them to do more.

Some people give their MOH/best man a separate gift along with the card – something a bit nicer or more personal. I’ve seen jewelry, nice picture frames with a photo of you two together, leather journals, that kind of thing.

Or honestly just take them out for coffee or drinks and ask them in person because that role really does involve more responsibility and it’s worth having an actual conversation about expectations… but I’m getting off track here.

Digital vs Physical Cards

Digital cards are becoming more acceptable especially for long-distance friends or if you’re on a tight budget. You can design something nice and send it via email or text. It’s not as special as a physical card obviously but it’s better than nothing and it’s immediate.

Some people do like a video message or voice note along with a digital card which makes it feel more personal. I had a bride do this during 2020 when nobody was seeing each other in person and it actually worked out really well – she recorded herself asking each person and sent it with a digital card design.

Physical cards feel more special though let’s be real. There’s something about getting actual mail that isn’t a bill or junk that people appreciate. Plus your bridesmaids can keep the card as a keepsake if they want.

When You’re On A Tight Budget

Look you don’t have to spend money on this at all. A handwritten note on nice stationery you already have works perfectly fine. Or print something simple at home. Or honestly just ask in person – take your friend to lunch, give them a hug, tell them you’d love to have them stand up with you.

The wedding industry has convinced everyone they need to do these elaborate proposals but like… your real friends will say yes because they love you and want to support you, not because you gave them a fancy box of stuff.

If you do want cards but need to keep costs down: buy blank cards from Target or a craft store (they have pretty ones for like $1-2 each), handwrite your message inside, done. Or use a free Canva template and print at Staples or FedEx.

Timing The Actual Ask

Some people mail the cards, some hand deliver them, some do a whole group thing where they get everyone together. There’s no right way.

Mailing works great for long-distance friends. Just make sure you’re not sending it right before someone’s birthday or a major holiday because it might get lost in the shuffle of other mail.

Hand delivering lets you see their reaction which is nice. You can grab coffee or drinks and give them the card then.

Group proposals where you get all your bridesmaids together at once – I have mixed feelings about this because what if someone wants to say no? They’re gonna feel pressured to say yes in front of everyone else. It’s rare but it happens. Better to ask people individually so they can give you an honest answer.

What If Someone Says No

This is awkward but it does happen. Someone might not be able to afford it, might have other commitments, might be going through personal stuff, or honestly might just not want to. Don’t take it personally and don’t pressure them.

Having a card makes this slightly more awkward than a casual ask would be because there’s this physical thing involved but whatever, people can still decline. Just be gracious about it and move on.

Alternative Ideas

If traditional cards aren’t your thing there are other ways to ask:

• Puzzle cards where they have to put pieces together to read the message
• Scratch-off cards (like lottery tickets but the message is underneath)
• Message in a bottle
• Custom cookies with the question written in icing
• Balloons with confetti inside that says “bridesmaid”

Some of these are cute, some are gimmicky. Depends on your style and your friends’ personalities.

Matching Everything To Your Wedding Theme

If you’re someone who wants everything coordinated you can tie your proposal cards into your overall wedding aesthetic. Like if you’re doing a garden wedding with lots of greenery, get cards with botanical designs. Beach wedding? Cards with shells or watercolor ocean scenes.

This isn’t necessary at all but some people really care about this level of detail. I’m one of those people honestly – when I plan weddings I like when everything feels intentional and connected, but that’s my stationery consultant brain talking.

You can also use the same designer for your proposal cards, save the dates, invitations, and day-of paper goods so there’s visual continuity. This costs more but looks really polished if that matters to you.

The flip side is nobody’s gonna remember or care if your bridesmaid proposal cards matched your wedding invitations six months later so don’t stress about it too much if that’s not your priority. There’s this show I’ve been watching lately where they plan these insane weddings with every detail perfect and I’m like… half the guests probably don’t even notice this stuff? But anyway that’s a whole other conversation about wedding culture and expectations that I could go on about forever but I won’t.

Just figure out what feels right for you and your budget and your relationships with these people. The card or box or whatever is just the packaging – what matters is that you’re asking people you care about to be part of your important day and hopefully they’re excited to say yes regardless of how you ask them.