Plan My Wedding: Complete Step-by-Step Guide

Okay So First Things First – Timeline Matters More Than You Think

The biggest mistake I see couples make is not having a realistic timeline and honestly it drives me absolutely crazy because then everyone’s stressed and vendors are booked and suddenly you’re crying over napkin colors at 2am. Start with your wedding date and work backwards. If you’re planning for 12-18 months out, you’re in good shape. Less than that? You’re gonna need to move fast and be flexible.

I had this couple in summer 2021 who gave themselves four months and lemme tell you, it was chaos. Sweet people but they didn’t understand that photographers and venues book up sometimes a year in advance. We made it work but I aged like five years in those four months.

Month 12-18 Before (Or Like Right After You Get Engaged)

Set your budget first. I know it’s not romantic but you gotta do this before you fall in love with a $15,000 venue. Sit down with whoever’s contributing money and have the awkward conversation. Write down the total number and then break it into categories – venue usually takes 40-50% of your budget, catering another 20-30%, photography 10-15%, and the rest gets divided up.

Pick your wedding party now too. Don’t wait because these people need time to plan and save money for their outfits and stuff. And please don’t pick someone just because you feel obligated, that never ends well.

Book your venue and your photographer. These are the two things that will determine your date more than anything else. You might have your heart set on October 15th but if your dream venue is booked, you’re gonna have to adjust. The venue also kinda dictates everything else – the vibe, the formality level, how many people you can invite.

Month 10-12 Before

Now you’re getting into the fun stuff but also the overwhelming stuff. Book your other major vendors – caterer (unless that’s included with venue), videographer if you want one, band or DJ, florist, and cake baker.

Start your guest list and this is where couples fight more than anything else I swear. One of you wants 200 people and the other wants 50 and suddenly you’re arguing about whether your mom’s coworker from 1987 really needs an invitation. My advice? Start with your absolute must-haves, then add in tiers. Tier 1 is non-negotiable, Tier 2 is if budget/space allows, Tier 3 is maybe for the reception only or not at all.

Order your wedding dress now because alterations take time and production takes time. I’ve seen brides order dresses 3 months before their wedding and then panic when it arrives 2 weeks before with no time for proper alterations. Don’t be that bride.

The Middle Months Are Where Things Get Real

Month 6-9 Before

Send save the dates if you haven’t already, especially if you’re having a destination wedding or getting married during a holiday weekend. People need time to request off work and book travel.

This is when I usually have couples start thinking about their ceremony specifics. Who’s officiating? Are you writing your own vows or using traditional ones? What readings do you want? Do you want a unity ceremony thing like candle lighting or sand pouring or are those kinda cheesy to you? (No judgment either way, I’ve seen both beautiful and cringey versions of all of them.)

Order invitations and this is literally my specialty so I’m gonna go off here for a sec. Your invitations should go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Work backwards from that to figure out when you need to order. Most custom stationery takes 3-4 weeks for production, then you need time to assemble everything, address envelopes, and mail them. So you’re looking at ordering like 3-4 months before your wedding.

The etiquette around invitations is pretty straightforward but people mess it up constantly. Include an RSVP card with a pre-addressed and stamped envelope because if you don’t make it easy, people won’t respond. Put a response date that’s 3-4 weeks before your wedding so you have time to get final counts to your caterer. And please, for the love of everything, number your RSVP cards on the back so when someone sends it back without writing their name (and they will), you can figure out who it’s from by matching the number to your guest list.

Month 4-5 Before

This is when you should book your hotel room block if you’re having out of town guests. Most hotels want a list of rooms held 3-4 months out. Book your rehearsal dinner venue too.

Order suits or tuxes for the groom and groomsmen. Guys always think this is gonna be quick and easy and then they’re surprised when the place needs 6-8 weeks.

Buy rings if you haven’t already. And get them sized properly because I watched a groom almost drop his ring during the ceremony in spring 2023 because it was too big and he was sweating from nerves.

Start planning your honeymoon or at least book the flights and hotel. Prices go up the closer you get and you don’t wanna deal with this right after the wedding when you’re exhausted.

The Final Countdown Is Stressful But Manageable

Month 2-3 Before

Your invitations should be out by now. Create a spreadsheet to track RSVPs because you will not remember who said yes and who said no, trust me. I use a simple Excel sheet with columns for name, number of guests, meal choice if you’re doing plated dinner, and any dietary restrictions.

Have your menu tasting with your caterer. This is fun but take notes because you’ll forget which chicken option you liked better. Bring your mom or your maid of honor or someone whose opinion you trust.

Finalize ceremony details with your officiant. Meet with them, go over the ceremony order, give them the correct pronunciation of your names if they’re tricky (learned this the hard way when an officiant butchered my bride’s last name in front of 150 people).

Buy thank you cards now because you’re gonna need them immediately after the wedding for gifts and you won’t wanna think about it later. Actually you should be sending thank you notes as gifts arrive but realistically most couples wait until after the wedding and that’s okay, just don’t wait more than 3 months.

Month 1 Before

This is crunch time. Give your caterer and venue the final headcount. They usually have a deadline for this, don’t miss it or they’ll charge you for the higher number.

Confirm everything with all your vendors. Like actually call or email each one and confirm date, time, location, what they’re providing. I cannot tell you how many times a vendor has shown up to the wrong venue or the wrong time because there was miscommunication.

Make your seating chart and this is honestly the worst part of wedding planning or at least it’s what causes the most drama. You’re trying to keep divorced parents apart, seat the single people together but not in an obvious “singles table” way, and figure out who actually likes each other. My cat walked across my keyboard once while I was working on a seating chart and honestly her random arrangement was probably just as good as what I came up with.

Create a day-of timeline for your vendors and wedding party. Write out what time everyone needs to be where. Hair and makeup usually starts like 4-5 hours before the ceremony. Photographer arrives whenever you want getting-ready photos. Ceremony time. Cocktail hour. Reception entrance. First dance, parent dances, toasts, dinner, cake cutting, bouquet toss if you’re doing that… map it all out.

Week Of

Have your rehearsal and actually practice walking down the aisle and where everyone stands because it’s more confusing than you think. Feed people at the rehearsal dinner, keep it casual, let people give toasts if they want.

Get your marriage license if you haven’t already. Different states have different rules about timing so check yours. Some are valid immediately, some have waiting periods, some expire after a certain number of days.

Pack for your honeymoon. Break in your wedding shoes by wearing them around the house because blisters on your wedding day are not cute.

The night before, try to sleep but you probably won’t. That’s normal. Eat something even if you’re nervous. Drink water. Don’t try a new skincare product or get a spray tan the day before because what if you have a reaction or turn orange?

Day Of Stuff Nobody Tells You

Eat breakfast. I’m serious, brides especially forget to eat and then they’re lightheaded during the ceremony or they get drunk off one glass of champagne at the reception.

Build in buffer time for everything. If hair and makeup says they need 2 hours, give yourself 2.5 hours. Things always take longer than expected.

Have someone be in charge of your stuff – your phone, your purse, any personal items you bring. You won’t have pockets and you’ll want these things but you can’t keep track of them yourself.

The best piece of advice I can give you is to designate a point person who’s not in the wedding party to handle vendor questions and any issues that come up. Your maid of honor should be with you, not running around solving problems. This should be someone organized who knows the plan and can make decisions. Often it’s a wedding planner but it can be a family member or friend.

Money Stuff That’s Awkward But Important

Figure out who’s paying for what early on. Traditionally the bride’s family paid for most of it but that’s pretty outdated now. Most couples either pay for it themselves or it’s split between families or some combination. Just be clear about it so there’s no confusion later.

Vendor tips are expected for good service. Plan to tip your caterers/servers 15-20%, hair and makeup artists 15-20%, delivery drivers $10-20 each, band or DJ 10-15%. You can put this cash in labeled envelopes and have your point person distribute it at the end of the night.

One thing that really annoys me is when couples don’t pay their vendors on time or try to negotiate prices after the contract is signed. We’re running businesses, we have bills to pay, and we’re providing a service. If you agreed to a price, pay it. If you can’t afford something, don’t book it or have an honest conversation about budget before signing anything.

Random Things I Always Forget To Mention

Get a steamer for your dress and suits because everything will be wrinkled. Keep it simple with decorations because honestly people barely notice them and you don’t need centerpieces that cost $200 each. Have a backup plan for outdoor weddings because weather happens. Consider doing a first look if you’re doing photos before the ceremony because it actually relieves stress and gives you more time for pictures. Don’t feel like you have to follow every tradition – skip the garter toss if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t do a bouquet toss if that feels weird, keep your own last name if you want or both change your names or hyphenate or whatever works for you…

The wedding industry will try to sell you a million things you don’t need. You don’t need chair covers or uplighting or a fancy guest book that costs $150 or personalized cocktail napkins that say something cheesy. Spend money on things that matter to you and skip the rest.

Actually enjoy your wedding day because it goes by so fast. Like I tell all my couples, at the end of the day you’re married to your person and that’s what matters, not whether the flowers were the exact right shade of blush pink or if Aunt Karen didn’t like the chicken.