Wedding Planning 101: Beginner’s Complete Guide

Ok So You’re Getting Married and Have No Idea Where to Start

First thing you gotta do is sit down with your partner and figure out what kind of wedding you actually want, not what Pinterest is telling you that you want. I had this couple back in spring 2023 who came to me with like 400 saved pins and when I asked them what their actual vision was they just stared at each other. Turns out they wanted a small backyard thing with tacos but had convinced themselves they needed a ballroom and a 12-piece orchestra because that’s what kept showing up in their feed.

The Budget Conversation Nobody Wants to Have

Look, I’m gonna be real with you. You need to talk about money like immediately. Before you do literally anything else. Figure out who’s contributing what. Are your parents helping? His parents? Are you paying for everything yourselves? This conversation is awkward and uncomfortable and one time my cat jumped on my keyboard during a budget call with a client and somehow unmuted me while I was eating chips very loudly, but anyway, you need to have this talk.

Write down the actual number you have to work with. Not the number you wish you had. Not the number you might have if your tax return is good. The real number sitting in accounts right now or firmly promised by family. Then add about 15-20% for the stuff you’re gonna forget about or that costs more than you thought.

Timeline Stuff That Actually Matters

If you’re planning a wedding in less than 6 months you’re gonna have a harder time but it’s not impossible. I’ve done weddings in 8 weeks. Was it stressful? Yeah. Did the bride cry in my office? Multiple times. But we got it done.

For a normal timeline you’re looking at:

• 12 months out: book your venue and photographer, these go FAST
• 10-11 months: find your caterer, start looking at dresses
• 8-9 months: book band or DJ, order your dress, figure out who’s officiating
• 6-7 months: send save the dates, book florist, rent stuff you need to rent
• 4-5 months: finalize your menu, order invitations, book hair and makeup
• 2-3 months: mail invitations, do final fittings, confirm everything with everyone
• 1 month: make your seating chart (this will make you want to die), get your marriage license, confirm final headcount
• 1 week: rehearsal, give final payments, try not to have a breakdown

Venue Hunting Without Losing Your Mind

The venue eats up like 40-50% of your budget usually so this is kinda the big one. You need to figure out if you want the ceremony and reception in the same place because moving everyone between locations is… it’s a thing. It’s doable but it’s a thing.

When you visit venues bring a notebook and take pictures because I promise you’ll see like 5 places and they’ll all blur together. Ask these questions that people always forget:

• What’s included in the rental fee? Tables? Chairs? Do they have bathrooms or are you renting porta potties?
• How many hours do you get? When can vendors start setting up?
• Is there a backup plan if it rains? And I mean a REAL backup plan not just “oh we’ll squeeze everyone in the barn”
• What are the noise restrictions? Some places have to shut down music at like 9pm which is gonna kill your dance floor
• Can you bring your own alcohol or do you have to use their overpriced bar service?
• What’s their cancellation policy because you know, the world is unpredictable now

The Guest List Will Cause Drama

Just accept this now. Someone’s gonna be mad they weren’t invited. Someone’s gonna ask if they can bring their new boyfriend of 3 weeks. Your mom’s gonna want to invite her entire book club.

Start with your absolute must-haves, like the people you’d be devastated not to have there. Then add your really-want-to-haves. Then if you have room and budget, you can add the nice-to-haves. But here’s the thing that annoyed me so much when I was planning my cousin’s wedding in summer 2021 – people were SO ENTITLED about plus-ones. Like if you’ve been dating someone for 2 months you don’t automatically get to bring them to a $200-per-plate dinner, sorry not sorry.

Also kids or no kids? Decide this early and stick to it. Don’t make exceptions because then everyone will want exceptions.

Finding Vendors Who Won’t Screw You Over

Read reviews but also take them with a grain of salt. Some people leave bad reviews because the flowers weren’t the exact shade of blush pink they imagined in their head. Look for patterns in reviews, not one-offs.

For photographers, look at full galleries not just the highlight reel on Instagram. Anyone can make 20 photos look good. You want to see an entire wedding they shot. Do you like their style? Do the photos feel like real moments or super posed? Can they handle weird lighting?

Caterers – you gotta do tastings. Don’t just book based on a menu. The food might look good on paper but taste like cardboard. Also ask about their service staff ratio. You want at least one server per 15-20 guests or the dinner service will take forever and people get cranky when they’re hungry.

DJs and bands – see them perform live if you can. At minimum, watch videos of them at actual weddings. Ask for their must-play and do-not-play list policies. Some DJs are super flexible and some are like “I’m gonna play Cupid Shuffle no matter what you say” and you need to know which one you’re getting.

Invitations and Paper Stuff

Ok so this is kinda my specialty obviously. Save the dates should go out 6-8 months before, invitations 8-10 weeks before. Don’t send them earlier than that because people will forget or lose them.

Your invitation suite should include:

• The actual invitation with all the important info
• RSVP card with a pre-addressed stamped envelope (yes you pay for postage both ways)
• Details card with hotel info, website, dress code, whatever else
• Directions or map if your venue is hard to find

Put a real deadline on your RSVPs, not just “please respond by whenever you feel like it.” I usually tell people to set the RSVP date 3-4 weeks before the wedding. You’ll still have to chase down like 20% of people who don’t respond because apparently some humans don’t understand how mail works.

Number your RSVP cards on the back with a code that corresponds to your guest list spreadsheet. That way when someone sends back a card with no name on it (this happens ALL THE TIME) you can figure out who it’s from.

Dress Shopping Is Weird

Bring like 2-3 people max when you go dress shopping. If you bring 8 people you’ll get 8 different opinions and you’ll want to cry. Bring people who know your style and will be honest but not mean.

Bridal salons are weird about appointments and some of them are super pushy about sales. Don’t let them pressure you into ordering that day if you’re not ready. But also know that dresses take like 6-8 months to come in so you can’t wait forever.

Try on different styles than what you think you want. I thought I wanted a fitted dress and ended up in a ballgown situation, which was… actually it’s a whole story but basically sometimes you don’t know until you try it on.

Alterations are expensive and not included in the dress price. Budget at least $500-800 for alterations, sometimes more if you need serious work done.

The Wedding Website Thing

Just make one. I know it feels like extra work but it cuts down on so many questions. Put your hotel block info on there, registry links, schedule for the day, directions, FAQs about dress code or parking or whatever.

Update it regularly. If something changes, update the website. Don’t make people hunt through old group texts to find information.

Registry Etiquette That People Get Wrong

Register for stuff you’ll actually use, not just fancy things that look good on a shelf. You don’t need 12 serving platters unless you’re hosting Thanksgiving for 40 people regularly.

Include items at different price points so people have options. Not everyone can drop $300 on a mixer but they still want to give you something nice.

It’s totally fine to register for cash funds now, like for a honeymoon or house down payment. The old rules about that being tacky are kinda gone. Just don’t make it weird or demanding about it.

Day-Of Coordination Is Not Optional

Even if you don’t hire a full-service planner, get someone to coordinate the actual wedding day. This should not be your mom or your maid of honor or anyone who’s supposed to be enjoying themselves. You need someone whose job it is to make sure vendors show up, the timeline stays on track, and problems get solved without you knowing about them.

I once had a wedding where the cake got dropped while being delivered and the day-of coordinator called in a favor at a local bakery and had a replacement cake there in 90 minutes. The couple never knew anything went wrong until I told them months later.

Ceremony Stuff People Forget About

You need someone to officiate and in most states they need to be legally registered or ordained or whatever your state requires. Look this up. Don’t assume your friend can just go online and get ordained if your state doesn’t recognize that.

Write your ceremony timeline out. How are people processing in? What order? Who’s standing where? When do the rings come out? This sounds obvious but I’ve seen ceremonies where nobody knew where to stand and it was just awkward shuffling for like 5 minutes.

If you’re doing readings, tell those people WAY in advance so they can prepare. Don’t spring it on someone the day before.

Sound system – does your venue have one? Do you need to rent one? Can people actually hear or are your vows gonna be lost to the wind?

Reception Flow That Actually Works

Here’s a basic timeline that works for most weddings:

• Cocktail hour while you take photos
• Grand entrance
• First dance (or do this later, whatever)
• Dinner service
• Toasts during dinner
• Cake cutting
• Parent dances
• Open dance floor
• Bouquet/garter if you’re into that
• Last dance and exit

You don’t have to do all of these things. The bouquet toss is sorta dying out anyway because it’s kinda awkward. Do what feels right for you.

Booze Calculations So You Don’t Run Out

General rule is one drink per guest per hour. So for a 5-hour reception with 100 guests you need 500 drinks worth of alcohol. Beer and wine are cheaper than a full bar. If you do a full bar, vodka and whiskey are your base spirits that you’ll go through fastest.

Signature cocktails are cute but make sure you have other options because not everyone wants your lavender gin fizz or whatever.

Seating Charts Are The Actual Worst

Leave this until like 3-4 weeks before when you have your final headcount. Doing it earlier is pointless because people will change their RSVPs or not show up or whatever.

Seat people with others they know or have something in common with. Don’t just randomly assign people. Also don’t put all the single people at one table like it’s some kind of sad singles convention.

The sweetheart table thing where it’s just the couple is popular now but I kinda think it’s isolating? Like you could sit with your wedding party or your parents or close friends. But do what you want, it’s your wedding.

Things That Cost More Than You Think

Postage. Invitations are heavy and you need extra postage. Hair and makeup for your whole bridal party adds up fast. Alterations like I mentioned. Transportation if you’re moving people around. Hotel rooms for out of town guests adds up if you’re helping with that. Tips for all your vendors – budget 15-20% for catering staff, bartenders, hair and makeup, transportation drivers.

Rentals if your venue is bare bones – chairs, tables, linens, plates, glasses, silverware, lights, fans or heaters depending on season, dance floor if there isn’t one.

What You Can Actually DIY

Favors if you want them. Signage. Simple centerpieces if you’re crafty. Programs. Playlist for cocktail hour or dinner if you’re not having live music the whole time.

What you should NOT DIY: your flowers (they’re harder than you think and you’ll be too busy the day before), your cake (food safety is real), anything that requires setup the day of (you won’t have time).

The Rehearsal Dinner Basics

Usually the groom’s family hosts this but honestly whoever wants to pay for it can host it. Invite your wedding party, their plus ones, your immediate family, and out of town guests if you want and have budget.

It doesn’t have to be fancy. Pizza is fine. Backyard BBQ is fine. The point is to run through the ceremony so people know what they’re doing and then hang out.

Marriage License Requirements

Every state is different so look up YOUR state’s requirements. Some states have waiting periods. Some licenses expire after a certain time. Some require blood tests still (yeah really). Some states require witnesses to sign, some don’t. Don’t leave this until the last minute because if you mess it up your marriage isn’t legal and then you have to do a whole thing to fix it which is annoying.

Random Practical Stuff

Make sure someone’s in charge of gathering gifts and cards at the end of the night. They tend to walk away otherwise. Have a box or basket for cards.

Feed your vendors. Your photographer and DJ and coordinator are there for like 8-10 hours. Give them vendor meals. It’s the right thing to do and also they’ll do better work if they’re not starving.

Have a point person for family drama. Someone who can redirect your drunk uncle or handle your mom’s meltdown or whatever. This should not be you on your wedding day.

Weather backup plan even if you’re getting married in the desert in July. Weather is weird now. Have a plan.

Transportation for you – how are you getting to the venue? How are you leaving? Don’t leave this to figure out the morning of.

Emergency kit for the day – safety pins, bobby pins, tissues, band aids, stain remover, sewing kit, phone chargers, snacks, water, ibuprofen, deodorant, tampons, whatever you might need. Someone should have this bag and know where it is.

Dealing With Family Expectations

This is probably gonna be the hardest part honestly. Everyone has opinions about your wedding. Your mom wants certain people invited. His dad thinks the whole thing should be at a country club. Your grandmother is horrified you’re not getting married in a church.

Here’s the thing – it’s your wedding but if someone’s paying for it they get some say. That’s just reality. If you want total control, you gotta pay for it yourself. If you’re taking money from family, you need to compromise on some stuff. Figure out what you care about most and what you’re willing to be flexible on.

Have conversations early about expectations. Don’t let stuff fester and then explode 2 months before the wedding. Been there, watched that happen, it’s not fun for anyone.