Wedding Preparation: Complete Planning Process Guide

Okay So You’re Getting Married and Need to Plan This Thing

First thing you gotta do is sit down with your partner like within the first week of getting engaged and have the real talk about budget. I know everyone wants to skip this part but trust me, I had a couple back in spring 2023 who waited three months to discuss money and they’d already put deposits down on a venue they couldn’t actually afford and it was a mess. Write down what you actually have to spend, not what you wish you had. Include contributions from parents if they’re offering but get that in writing or at least in a clear text message because I’ve seen family money disappear real fast when opinions start clashing.

Your budget breakdown should look something like this roughly: venue and catering take about 40-50% of everything, photographer maybe 10-15%, flowers and decor around 10%, attire maybe 8-10%, and then you’ve got invitations, DJ or band, cake, transportation, all the random stuff. These percentages shift depending on what matters to you but that’s a starting point.

The Guest List Is Gonna Be Your First Real Fight

Sorry but it’s true. You need to tackle this early because your guest count determines literally everything else. Start with your must-haves, then your really-want-to-invites, then your if-we-have-room people. I tell couples to be ruthless here. That cousin you haven’t talked to since 2015? Probably doesn’t need an invite. Your mom’s coworker who you met once? Nah.

One thing that really annoyed me for years was when couples would say “oh we’re doing a small intimate wedding” and then show up with a guest list of 200 people. Like… that’s not small, that’s just a regular wedding. Be honest about what you want.

Venue Hunting Starts Now

Once you know roughly how many people and what you can spend, start looking at venues. Popular places book 12-18 months out, sometimes more. I’ve had brides call me in January wanting a September wedding at a barn venue and I’m like good luck because those are all gone.

When you visit venues, bring a notebook or use your phone to take notes because they all blur together after the third one. Ask about:

• What’s included in the rental fee
• Are tables and chairs part of it or extra
• Do they have a catering list you must use or can you bring your own
• What time can vendors access the space for setup
• Is there a backup plan for weather if you’re doing outdoor
• What’s the alcohol policy
• Where do people park

Also this is gonna sound weird but use the bathroom at every venue. If the facilities are gross or far away from where your reception will be, your guests will remember that.

Building Your Vendor Team

After you book your venue, you need to secure your other big vendors. Photographer is next because good ones book up fast. Look at full galleries, not just the highlight reels on Instagram. You want someone whose style matches what you like but also who you can stand being around for 8-10 hours because… yeah they’re there all day.

My cat literally just knocked over my coffee while I’m writing this but anyway, when you’re meeting with photographers ask to see a full wedding gallery from ceremony through reception. Some photographers are great at portraits but terrible at candids or vice versa.

Catering and Food Stuff

If your venue doesn’t include catering you’ll need to find someone. Do tastings. Don’t just book based on price or photos. The food needs to actually taste good and the service team needs to be professional. I worked with a caterer once who showed up an hour late and I thought I was gonna have a breakdown.

Think about dietary restrictions early. You’ll have vegetarians, vegans, gluten-free people, maybe some with serious allergies. Put a spot on your RSVP for people to note restrictions. Your caterer can usually accommodate if you give them advance notice but they can’t do magic day-of.

Music and Entertainment

DJ versus band is totally personal preference. Bands are usually more expensive and need more space but they create energy that’s different. DJs are more versatile and can play literally any song. Either way, meet with them before booking and if possible see them perform at another event or at least watch videos.

Give your DJ or band a do-not-play list. Seriously. If you hate the Cupid Shuffle or the Chicken Dance, tell them. Also give them a must-play list but keep it reasonable, like 5-10 songs max that are absolute requirements.

The Paper Stuff and Invitations

This is my world so I get detailed here. Your paper timeline should look like:

• Save the dates go out 6-8 months before (earlier if destination wedding)
• Invitations should mail 8-10 weeks before
• RSVP deadline is 3-4 weeks before your wedding

You can do online RSVPs now and honestly it makes tracking easier but some older guests struggle with it so maybe have a phone option for them.

When you’re designing invitations, make sure they include: your names obviously, date, time, location with address, and where people can find more info like your website. The RSVP card needs a clear deadline and ideally meal choices if you’re doing a plated dinner.

Postage is more expensive than you think. Those big heavy invitations with multiple inserts? You’re paying extra postage. Take a full invitation suite to the post office and have them weigh it before you buy 150 stamps.

What Even Goes on a Wedding Website

Make one. Just do it. Use one of the free sites like Minted or The Knot or Zola. Put on there:

• Your story if you want but keep it short
• Event schedule and locations with maps
• Hotel room blocks
• Registry information
• Travel info if people are coming from out of town
• FAQ section for dress code, weather, parking, kids policy

Update it when things change. I’ve had guests show up to old venues because the couple forgot to update their website after changing locations and that’s just…

Attire and Looking the Part

Wedding dress shopping should start like 9-12 months out because dresses take forever to come in and then need alterations. Bring maximum 3 people with you to appointments. More than that and you’ll get too many opinions and make yourself crazy.

Know your budget before you go and tell the consultant. Don’t let them pull dresses that are way over budget because you’ll just fall in love with something you can’t afford. Also those sample sizes in stores are usually 8-10 so don’t get discouraged if nothing fits right, that’s what ordering your size is for.

For the partner wearing a suit or tux, you can wait a bit longer but still give yourself 4-6 months. Rentals are cheaper but buying is sometimes better quality if you’ll wear it again.

Your Wedding Party Attire

Bridesmaids dresses also take time to order, like 3-6 months usually. Pick a color or style and let people choose their own dress if you want to make life easier. Everyone’s body is different and what looks good on one person might not work for another.

Groomsmen are easier, you basically just tell them what to wear and they rent or buy it closer to the date. Give them a deadline though or someone will forget until the week before.

Flowers, Decor, and Making It Pretty

Meet with florists around 6-8 months out. Bring inspiration photos but also be open to what’s in season because that’ll save you money. Peonies in November? Gonna cost you. Roses and carnations? Available year-round.

Think about what you actually need: bridal bouquet, bridesmaid bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages for moms, ceremony arrangements, centerpieces, maybe cake flowers or cocktail hour arrangements. It adds up so fast.

For other decor, decide if you’re DIYing or hiring someone. DIY sounds cheaper but factor in your time and sanity. I had a bride in summer 2021 who insisted on making 25 centerpieces herself and she was up until 3am the night before the wedding hot-gluing things and crying. Sometimes paying someone is worth it.

Lighting and Rentals

If your venue is a blank space you might need to rent everything. And I mean everything: tables, chairs, linens, plates, glasses, silverware, serving pieces. Get quotes from rental companies early because this stuff books up.

Lighting makes such a huge difference. Uplighting can transform a basic room. String lights make outdoor spaces magical. If you have budget left over after the essentials, spend it on lighting.

The Actual Planning Timeline Month by Month

Okay so here’s roughly what you should be doing when, and I’m starting from 12 months out:

12 months before: Book venue, photographer, and start looking at caterers if needed. Create your wedding website. Buy a planner or start a spreadsheet.

10-11 months: Book your caterer, DJ or band, and florist. Start dress shopping. Book hotel room blocks if you have out-of-town guests.

8-9 months: Order your wedding dress. Book hair and makeup artists. Start thinking about ceremony details like readings and music. Send save the dates.

6-7 months: Order bridesmaid dresses. Book transportation if needed. Book rehearsal dinner venue. Start planning your honeymoon.

5-6 months: Order invitations. Book any other vendors you still need like videographer, photo booth, whatever. Figure out your ceremony details and what you want your officiant to say or do.

4 months: Mail invitations. Start dress alterations. Order cake or desserts. Finalize ceremony script with your officiant.

3 months: Get marriage license (check your state requirements for timing). Confirm details with all vendors. Start breaking in your wedding shoes. Create day-of timeline.

2 months: Do final dress fitting. Confirm final guest count with caterer and venue. Give song lists to DJ or band. Apply for name change documents if you’re changing your name.

1 month: Final meetings with vendors. Create seating chart once you have RSVPs. Write your vows if you’re doing personal ones. Get marriage license if you haven’t yet. Pack for honeymoon.

Week of: Rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Give final payments to vendors. Confirm timeline with everyone. Try to sleep.

The Details People Forget About

Marriage license requirements vary by state so google yours specifically. Some places have waiting periods, some don’t. Some licenses expire after a certain time. Figure this out early.

Someone needs to be in charge of your personal flowers at the end of the night, your cards and gifts, your dress, any decor items you want to keep. Assign this job to someone responsible or stuff will get left behind.

Tips for vendors: some include gratuity in their contract, some don’t. Figure out who you need to tip and have cash ready. Usually you tip DJ, bartenders, catering staff, hair and makeup artists, delivery drivers.

Feed your vendors. If you’re paying your photographer to be there for 10 hours, they need to eat. Most caterers can do vendor meals for cheaper than guest meals. Just make sure someone coordinates this.

Day-Of Timeline

Create an actual timeline with specific times and share it with your vendors and wedding party. Like: 2pm hair and makeup starts, 4pm photographer arrives, 5pm ceremony starts, 5:30pm cocktail hour, 6:30pm reception entrance, 7pm dinner service, 8pm cake cutting, 8:30pm first dance, etc.

Build in buffer time because nothing runs exactly on schedule. If you say cocktail hour is 5:30-6:30 but dinner isn’t actually ready until 6:45, that’s fine because you planned for it.

Managing Family Drama and Expectations

This deserves its own section because family stuff gets complicated. Set boundaries early about who’s paying for what and what input they get. If your parents are contributing financially they’ll probably expect some say in decisions but you need to be clear about what’s negotiable and what’s not.

Divorced parents can make things tricky with photos, seating, processional order. Address this head-on with your photographer and venue coordinator. They’ve dealt with it before and can help you navigate it.

If someone’s being difficult about your choices, remember it’s your wedding. You don’t have to invite people who make you miserable just because they’re family. You don’t have to have a traditional ceremony if that’s not you. Do what makes you and your partner happy.

Self Care During Planning

Take breaks from wedding planning. I’m serious, you’ll burn out if every conversation is about centerpieces and seating charts. Have date nights where you don’t talk about the wedding at all. Watch some mindless TV, go for walks, whatever helps you decompress.

Remember why you’re doing this, like the actual marriage part not just the party. When you get overwhelmed with details take a step back and think about your partner and your life together because that’s what actually matters.

Also the week before the wedding, stop trying to change things or add stuff. What’s done is done. You just gotta let go and trust that it’ll work out.