Planning A Rehearsal Dinner: Complete Guide

So You Need to Plan a Rehearsal Dinner

Okay first thing – figure out who’s actually paying for this because that changes everything. Traditionally it’s the groom’s parents but honestly in 2024 that rule is kinda out the window. I had a couple last spring where the bride’s parents, groom’s parents, AND the couple themselves all wanted to contribute but nobody had actually talked about it until like 6 weeks before the wedding and it was a whole mess. Just get that conversation done early, seriously.

The rehearsal dinner happens the night before the wedding, right after you do the actual ceremony rehearsal. Usually starts around 7pm but depends on when your rehearsal is scheduled. If your ceremony venue is only available at 4pm for rehearsal, you might be eating at 6pm instead. The whole point is to feed everyone who’s in the wedding party plus immediate family, and honestly it’s become this thing where people invite way more than that now.

Who Actually Gets Invited

This is where it gets annoying because there’s no hard rule anymore. The absolute must-invites are the wedding party and their plus-ones, both sets of parents, grandparents, and the officiant. Then it gets fuzzy. Some people invite all out-of-town guests which can turn your “intimate dinner” into basically a second wedding reception with 80 people.

I personally think you should keep it under 40 people if possible but I’ve planned rehearsal dinners for 120 and at that point you’re basically… why not just make it a welcome party and call it that? Be honest about what you want. If you genuinely want to thank everyone who traveled, go for it. If you want one calm night before the chaos, keep it tight.

One thing that really bugs me is when couples don’t tell their wedding party whether plus-ones are included until the last minute. Your bridesmaids and groomsmen need to know if they should bring their boyfriend of 3 months or not, and they need more than a week’s notice.

Picking the Venue

You’ve got options here. Restaurant private room is the easiest – they handle everything, you just show up. Backyard at someone’s house is cheaper but way more work. Hotel event space works if everyone’s staying at the same hotel anyway. I’ve done rehearsal dinners at wineries, breweries, country clubs, even a bowling alley once which was actually super fun.

Summer 2021 I had this couple who wanted to do their rehearsal dinner at this gorgeous waterfront restaurant and they booked it like 14 months in advance. Then two months before the wedding the restaurant just… closed. Permanently. The owners retired and sold the property. We had to scramble to find something else and ended up at a yacht club which worked out fine but those two months of panic were not great for anyone’s stress levels.

Book your venue at least 6-8 months out, especially if you’re getting married in peak season (May through October). Popular restaurants book up their private rooms fast. And if you’re doing it at someone’s home, make absolutely sure they understand what they’re signing up for because hosting 35 people is no joke.

The Food Situation

You don’t need a formal plated dinner unless you want one. Buffet style is totally fine. Family style is actually my favorite because it feels more relaxed and people can talk easier. Food stations are good for larger groups. Just make sure there’s enough food – I cannot stress this enough. Your wedding party has been standing around for an hour doing the rehearsal, they’re hungry.

Figure out dietary restrictions early. Send a message to your group asking about allergies and preferences. Vegetarian options are a must. Gluten-free is pretty standard now. I had one rehearsal dinner where the bride forgot to mention her sister was vegan and the restaurant’s only vegan option was literally a salad with no dressing and some bread, and her sister was one of the bridesmaids so that was awkward.

The bar – open bar is ideal but not required. Beer and wine is fine. Signature cocktails are cute if you’re into that. Some people do cash bar which is… okay I guess it’s fine but it feels a little weird to invite people to dinner and then make them pay for drinks? But budget is budget, I get it.

Timing and Schedule

Here’s a rough timeline that works pretty well:

• 5:00pm – Ceremony rehearsal starts
• 6:00pm – Rehearsal ends, everyone heads to dinner venue
• 6:30pm – Cocktail hour or mingling time
• 7:00pm – Dinner starts
• 8:00pm – Toasts happen
• 9:00pm – Dessert
• 9:30-10:00pm – Wrap up

Don’t let it go too late because everyone needs to be functional the next day for the actual wedding. I’ve seen rehearsal dinners turn into parties that go until 1am and then the groom looks like death in his wedding photos. Not worth it.

The toasts – usually the hosts (whoever’s paying) say something first, then the best man and maid of honor if they want to, then anyone else who feels moved to speak. Keep them shortish. This isn’t the reception. Save the long emotional speeches for tomorrow. My cat actually interrupted a Zoom planning call once when we were discussing toast order and walked across my keyboard, which somehow sent an email to the client that just said “jjjjjjjjjjjklllllll” and we still laugh about it.

Decorations and Ambiance

You really don’t need to go crazy here. If you’re at a restaurant they probably have their own ambiance going. Maybe bring some photos of you two as a couple, print a simple menu card, done. If you’re doing it at a home or more blank-slate venue, some string lights, candles, and simple centerpieces work great.

I’ve seen people do full floral arrangements and custom linens and monogrammed napkins and it’s like… you’re gonna do all that again tomorrow at the wedding. Save your energy and money. Unless you really want to, then go for it, but it’s not expected.

Music should be background level. Spotify playlist is fine. You don’t need a DJ unless your rehearsal dinner is huge. Just keep it chill so people can actually talk to each other.

What About Gifts

The rehearsal dinner is traditionally when the couple gives gifts to their wedding party. You don’t have to do expensive stuff – personalized items are nice, or just things you know they’d actually use. I’ve seen couples give robes for getting ready the next morning, jewelry, flasks, nice pens, gift cards, experiences. Whatever fits your budget and their personalities.

Some couples also give gifts to their parents here. A framed photo, a heartfelt card, something meaningful. That’s totally optional though.

Budget Breakdown

Alright so money talk. For a restaurant rehearsal dinner you’re probably looking at $50-100 per person depending on your area and the fanciness level. That includes food and drinks. So for 30 people that’s $1,500-3,000. For 50 people it’s more like $2,500-5,000.

Backyard dinner where you’re catering it yourself or hiring a caterer – really variable but probably $30-60 per person if you’re getting it catered, way less if you’re doing it DIY style with help from family.

Don’t forget about rental costs if you’re doing it at home – tables, chairs, plates, glasses, serving dishes. That adds up. Also bartender if you’re having a bar setup.

You can definitely do a rehearsal dinner for under $1,000 if you keep the guest list small and choose a casual venue. Pizza party at someone’s house? Totally valid. Picnic in a park? Cute and cheap. Brunch the morning of the rehearsal instead of dinner the night before? I’ve seen it work, though the timing gets weird.

What Can Go Wrong (And How to Prevent It)

The biggest issue I see is people running late from the rehearsal. Build in buffer time. If you think rehearsal takes 45 minutes, tell everyone it starts 30 minutes earlier than it needs to. They’ll still be late but less late.

Weather – if you’re planning an outdoor rehearsal dinner, have a backup plan. Tents are expensive but worth it if rain is likely. Or just choose an indoor venue and save yourself the stress.

Family drama. Oh man, this is its own thing. The rehearsal dinner is often the first time both families are together for an extended period and sometimes that goes… not great. You can’t control people but you can try to do a seating chart that separates anyone who doesn’t get along, or at least give them space.

Forgetting to invite someone important – make your list early and double-check it. I once had a couple who forgot to invite the groom’s brother’s wife because they “assumed she knew she was invited” and she showed up to the rehearsal and then didn’t know if she should come to dinner or not and it was super uncomfortable.

Invitations for Rehearsal Dinner

You can send separate invitations or just include the info with your wedding invitations. Email or text is honestly fine for most rehearsal dinners unless you’re doing something really formal. Just make sure people have the date, time, location, and dress code.

Speaking of dress code – tell people what to wear. “Casual,” “dressy casual,” “cocktail attire,” whatever. Don’t make your bridesmaids guess if they should wear their jeans or a dress. I usually tell people to wear something comfortable that they don’t mind sitting in for a few hours and that they haven’t packed for the wedding day.

Send invites about 6-8 weeks before the wedding, around the same time as your wedding invitations. Get RSVPs back at least 2 weeks before so you can give the venue or caterer a final headcount.

Day-Of Logistics

Somebody needs to be in charge of making sure everyone gets from the rehearsal to the dinner, especially if they’re at different locations. Assign someone (not you, you’re gonna be busy) to play shepherd and make sure nobody gets lost. Group transportation is smart if venues are far apart.

Have a contact person at the venue who knows what’s happening. If it’s a restaurant, make sure they have your final count and any special requests. If it’s someone’s home, make sure the host isn’t trying to do everything themselves – assign tasks to reliable family members or friends.

Bring any supplies you need the night before – gifts, any decorations, the toast you wrote on note cards because you will definitely forget what you wanted to say if you wing it (trust me on this).

Oh and this is gonna sound random but bring safety pins and double-sided tape. Someone’s dress strap will break or a decoration will fall and you’ll be a hero.

The Vibe You’re Going For

This should feel more relaxed than the wedding. It’s a chance for your closest people to hang out without the pressure of the big event. Don’t overschedule it with activities or elaborate plans. Good food, drinks, some laughs, maybe some light embarrassing stories, done.

Some couples do a slideshow of photos which can be sweet but also might make everyone cry the night before you really need to not be crying. Use your judgment on how emotional your group gets.

The rehearsal dinner is also when final payments sometimes happen if you’ve got vendors who need to be paid before the wedding day. Have a plan for that so you’re not scrambling with checks and cash during dinner.

And honestly? If something goes wrong at the rehearsal dinner it’s way less of a big deal than if something goes wrong at the wedding. Embrace the chaos a little bit. I had a rehearsal dinner where the restaurant accidentally gave us the wrong private room and it was way smaller than what we needed and we just… made it work. Everyone squeezed in, it was cozy, nobody remembers it as a disaster. The wedding the next day was perfect and that’s what mattered.